Choosing

This post is about choosing not to be offended/ choosing not to judge others. I was thinking about this in two parts.

The first for the recipient: what a wonderful way to serve each other than to not judge and to give each other the benefit of the doubt. It would feel so wonderful if you knew that when you did something really stupid, people would just smile and think, "must be a bad day", or "that was really messed up but I bet that wasn't her intent." ( And not tell others about it)! We all make mistakes, or even deliberately do something that is dumb but I think most of the time, most people are trying to do the best they can, or at least somewhere in the vicinity of good.

The second half is for ourselves. I have a friend who said : you can get into a lot of trouble trying to help good people. As we try to do good and then someone reacts in an unkind way, it is easy to feel offended and hurt or angry. I love this quote by Elder David A. Bednar:

When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.

I know this is true. When I worked as a nurse (pediatric ICU), there were the rare times when parents could be rather ugly to me. Even though I had done nothing wrong, and was in fact, doing my best to help them and their child, I wasn't offended. Why? I knew that they were stressed, and scared, and a myriad of other horrible emotions parents feel when their kids are really sick or hurt so I didn't take it personally.

So now, when someone is offensive, I am going to try my darnedest to give them a break by thinking: I just don't know the whole situation, I don't know what they are going through right now, or they are just ignorant (not in a condescending way) about the issue. (Seriously, that was the one I had to go to other day. I never thought I would find someone with beef against helping orphans). This most likely does nothing for them, but it makes a world of difference for me. I don't have to carry the burden of feeling unhappy about how I was treated. Very freeing.